The Top 10 Funniest Dance Quotes
Because dance doesn’t always take itself seriously.
I have a secret that many dancers don’t want you to know. If I tell you, I might get my Dance Professional status revoked, so don’t share this secret with anyone. Can I trust you? Here goes: When we are together in groups of just dancers, we laugh. A lot. At ourselves. At each other. And, most shocking of all, we laugh at our beloved dance field. Often it is gallows humor, because…well, everything going on lately. But sometimes a turn of phrase makes us realize how well the author knows dancers, really understands the struggle and accepts our foibles and eccentricities with love. It also means that they are well-placed to slay us with some well-deserved ribbing because we can take ourselves a bit seriously.
Apparently, this has been going on for quite a while, because while I’ve been researching dance quotes to pair with the 366+ Today in Dance podcastepisodes, I recently ran across some remarkably funny quotes from the 20th century about dance by famous dance professionals and *some guy who wrote plays* that needed to be shared.
“Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” — George Bernard Shaw
Even though he was *only a playwright* and not a dancer, I have to include the snarkiest of snarky remarks about dance by the inimitable George Bernard Shaw. In the recent past, I taught dance lecture courses in college and some wise soul took the trouble to write this quote on the title page of Roger Copeland and Marshall Cohen’s landmark dance criticism book, What is Dance? (1983) to answer the fundamental question of the text. The quote makes me laugh every time I pick up the book. And indeed, Shaw could see through all of us. I’m not even mad.
“Toe dancing is a dandy attention-getter, second only to screaming.” — Agnes de Mille
Coming from the dance scholar and choreographer who could dish like no other person in the modern dance community, de Mille spoke from experience. Anatomy foiled her destiny as a ballet dancer and her firsthand experience with the hardships (and antics) of the pioneers of modern dance (she was a good friend of Martha Graham) sharpened her tongue…and her pen. De Mille is best known for choreographing the groundbreaking musical Oklahoma! in 1943 and for writing Graham’s biography.
“Ballet is the one form of theatre where nobody speaks a foolish word all evening…nobody on stage at least.” — Edwin Denby
Considered by many to be the best dance critic of all time, the poet Edwin Denbywrote dance reviews in the middle of the 20th century for the New York Herald Tribune and other publications, but he could never find a full-time gig that would support him. Sound familiar, struggling dance writers? The best part about his quote is how it throws heaps of shade on the theatre world, but saves plenty for dancers and dance audiences.
“You haven’t got anything to dance about until you’re over thirty-five anyway.” — Bert Balladine
As a post-35-year-old dancer, I can say with all certainty that this is true. And it isn’t not true. I had a lot of IMPORTANT things to say before the age of 35 as a choreographer and I got to say all of it. Now all I want to do is make dances that say UNIMPORTANT things because it amuses me. Also, even after spending several years collecting biographies of dancers for the Today in Dance project (go see what dancer shares your birthday)I didn’t know who Bert Balladine was before writing this article. I am glad I looked him up. He studied ballet, modern dance, Spanish dance, and is best known for performing Middle Eastern dance. He also performed in musicals and in nightclubs with dancer Josephine Baker, which all means that he has seen everything and knows what he speaks.
“I think Balanchine and Robbins talk to God and when I call, he’s out to lunch.” — Bob Fosse
This is Bob Fosse totally being Bob Fosse — wry, self-deprecating, and not a little envious of his peers. Even though he won all of the awards (an Oscar, Tony, and Emmy — in the span of a year and some change), he still felt like an imposter amongst ballet (and Broadway, and movie) choreographers George Balanchineand Jerome Robbins. His autobiographical movie, All That Jazz (1979) is a cautionary tale that he could not escape from and that makes his story all the more poignant. Please stop reading this article and go watch Cabaret (1972) right now, because Fosse was way ahead of his time.
On dancing on pointe: “Why don’t they just get taller girls?” — attributed to comedian Henny Youngman
Makes sense to me. Why didn’t someone think of this sooner? This is why you want to hang out with people who see you and your work from an outside perspective. This is a brilliant solution, I tell you!
“Beginning Dancer: knows nothing
Intermediate Dancer: knows everything; too good to dance with beginners.
Hotshot Dancer: too good to dance with anyone.
Advanced Dancer: dances everything, especially with beginners”. — Dick Crum
Because this quote is so good, it deserves the last four spots in the top ten. I’m also hoping you won’t notice that I only have seven quotes in this top ten list. Folk dancer, teacher, and researcher Dick Crum slyly divided every dancer in the field into four perfectly defined categories. I have been all of the above at different points in my career, some of them multiple times. All dancers have. This is a truth bomb none of us can ignore. Replace dancer with any other activity and you can join in the laugh that hits really close to home. I try to spend time more time with beginners now because they keep me honest.
Thanks for spending some time giggling with me. If you enjoyed this article, please check out my more serious pieces:
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